By James Schwarzlose
The prayer got stuck in my mind, like an old vinyl recording repeatedly playing one phrase over and over: “Lord Jesus, for Thee I live. . . .” That is as far as I could get into a simple prayer given to me forty-two years earlier when I confirmed my baptismal vows. In its full form, it continues “for Thee I suffer, for Thee I die. Grant me, O Lord, eternal salvation.”
For the moment, I had known a good deal of suffering; but death had to wait. The staff in the cardiac care unit had just removed six liters of fluid from around my heart and lungs! The staff cardiologist assigned to my case had somberly pronounced, “Congestive heart failure” and a heart performance efficiency of 20%. As I regained strength he spoke of a variety of intrusive procedures, including implanting a pace maker and a defibrillator to jolt my heart back into rhythm when it went astray. He wanted to act quickly but agreed to give me time to “ponder my options.”
Those options seemed to short-circuit the possibilities of God for my life. They were about survival. They would have forced me into a sedentary lifestyle and prevented me from doing the work that God had called me to do. Yet the prayer of commitment to Jesus is not one to just “survive.”
The days and weeks that followed were not easy and oh, so slowly drawn out. Yet, they were filled with the presence of God. I was guided to a cardiologist who believed in multiple avenues of healing – including radical changes in diet and exercise. He jolted my heart back into rhythm. Then he sent me home to walk… and walk, and then, walk even further each day. I took some medication and dramatically changed the way I ate and drank. It meant saying “no” to much “good” food and finding patience to read a myriad of nutrition labels. But I had no intrusive procedures done, and I soon returned to full pursuit of my pastoral ministry.
Too often churches and individual Christians choose the path of survival rather than looking deeper and further for the possibilities of God. A church moves to a new location rather than live for Jesus in the one that has evolved around it. Individuals cluster with those who are like them rather than encounter the diverse family of God. Both will continue to live the same way they always have rather than trust God to lead them down new paths.
Called into the Realm of God, we are called not just to stay alive but to live fully as God provides. As my physical resources decline with age, my options change; yet “to survive” is not among them. Rather, trusting in God to provide what is necessary to thrive, I still seek discernment for the next path with that prayer given me so long ago: “Lord Jesus for Thee I live….”
James Schwarzlose continues to seek to live the path that Jesus set, caring for refugees and immigrants all in metro Atlanta where he lives with his wife, amd journey partner of 30 years, Myrna.
I am facing an intrusive procedure that I hope will give me the strength to walk and do my chores. I hope that I can find the courage to choose wisely. I will draw strength from your article. Thank you.
The good Lord has been at your side this far, He will not fail you now. As we face new challenges, we must realize that we are also being given new opportunities. How we face them, hopefully and prayerfully with a positive attitude, will make all the difference in the world.